When girls don’t put out!


I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

FOR EXAMPLE:

One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, ‘I don’t feel like it, I just want you to hold me.’

I said, ‘WHAT??!! What was that?!’

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear…

‘You’re just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.’

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, ‘Can’t you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?’

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn’t decide which one to take, so I told her we’d just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said,

‘Lets get a pair for each outfit.’

We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you… she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn’t even know how to play tennis

I think I threw her for a loop when I said, ‘That’s fine, honey.’ She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said,

‘I think this is all dear, let’s go to the cashier.’

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, ‘No honey, I don’t feel like it.’

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, ‘WHAT?’

I then said, ‘Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You’re just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.’

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, ‘Why can’t you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?’

Apparently I’m not having sex tonight either….but at least that bitch knows I’m smarter than her

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Reader's Comments »

  1. By Surfer on November 5, 2008 at 6:45 am

    So, like you have ads. I don’t like them but I’m cool with it. But then, you have this ad. It covers your whole website. You can’t even see your website anymore and there’s no way to close it to actually see YOUR website. Idiot. Why even bother to put up your own actual website. Your pwned by the advertisers. What’s the point of the site if all you can see is the ad? (and before you ask, I got past the ad by turning off javascript and reloading the page)

  2. By RE: SURFER on November 5, 2008 at 7:39 am

    Surfer, try hitting the “SKIP THIS AD” button in the top right hand corner like the rest of us… This type of ad isn’t exactly new… Get with the times, mmkay?

    In response to the article, I thought it was hilarious.

  3. By @surfer on November 5, 2008 at 9:36 am

    @surfer:

    ads? firefox + adblock. haven’t seen an ad in years.

  4. By Bob on November 5, 2008 at 11:24 am

    Wow. I should have thought of this ages ago.. setting up a blog that uses old “funny” emails that have been around for years as content. Heeey..

  5. By Alakia on January 9, 2009 at 5:58 pm

    so funny *lmao*

  6. By XannY on June 2, 2009 at 11:01 am

    Hahaha fukin hilarious mate xDD

    I loved it.

  7. By OttoAU on April 18, 2011 at 1:09 pm

    Should have at least fucked her or got a blow job in the change room while you where on a roll…..
    That will teach the bitch, we ONLY speak to them because they have a hole between there legs…

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