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There once was an Indian who had only one testicle
and whose given name was ‘Onestone’. He hated that
name and asked everyone not to call him Onestone.
After years and years of torment, Onestone finally
cracked and said,’ If anyone calls me Onestone
again I will kill them!’
The word got around and nobody called
him that any more.
Then one day a young woman named Blue Bird
forgot and said, ‘Good morning, Onestone.’ He
jumped up, grabbed her and took her deep into
the forest where he made love to her all day and
all night. He made love to her all the next day,
until Blue Bird died from exhaustion.
The word got around that Onestone meant what
he promised he would do. Years went by and no
one dared call him by his given name until A woman
named Yellow Bird returned to the village after being
away. Yellow Bird , who wasBlue Bird’s cousin, was
overjoyed when she saw Onestone. She hugged him
and said, ‘Good to see you, Onestone.’
Onestone grabbed her, took her deep into the forest,
then he made love to her all day, made love to her all
night, made love to her all the next day, made love to
her all the next night, butYellow Bird wouldn’t die!
Why ???
OH, come on…. take a guess !!!
Think about it !!!
You’re going to love this !!!
Everyone knows…
You can’t kill Two Birds
with OneStone!!!
Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and family values.
Stu said, ‘I didn’t sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?’
Leroy replied, ‘I’m not sure, when were you married?’
What is the difference between girls/women
aged 8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58, 68, and 78?
***********************************************************************************
At 8
You take her to bed and tell her a story
***********************************************************************************
At 18
You tell her a story and take her to bed
***********************************************************************************
At 28
You don’t need to tell her a story
to take her to bed
***********************************************************************************
At 38
She tells you a story and takes you to bed
***********************************************************************************
At 48
She tells you a story to avoid going to bed
***********************************************************************************
At 58
You stay in bed to avoid her story
***********************************************************************************
At 68
If you take her to bed, that’ll be a story
***********************************************************************************
At 78
What story? What bed?
Who the hell are you?
***********************************************************************************
According to the
Office for National Statistics
190,374
people are having sex right now
212,130
are kissing
and one poor sod
is reading emails
You hang in there sunshine!
Anger Management
Sometimes when you are angry with someone,
it helps to sit down
and think about the problem.
Puppy sitting on a cat
Rubix Cube Sandwich
A man is walking home alone late one foggy night…
when behind him he hears:
Bump…
BUMP…
BUMP…
Walking faster, he looks back and through the fog he makes out the image of an upright casket banging its way down the middle of the street toward him.
BUMP…
BUMP…
BUMP…
Terrified, the man begins to run toward his home, the casket bouncing quickly behind him
FASTER…
FASTER…
BUMP…
BUMP…
BUMP…
He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in, slams and locks the door behind him.
However, the casket crashes through his door, with the lid of the casket clapping
clappity-BUMP…
clappity-BUMP…
clappity-BUMP…
on his heels, the terrified man runs.
Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, the man locks himself in. His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is coming in sobbing gasps.
With a loud CRASH the casket breaks down the door.
Bumping and clapping toward him.
The man screams and reaches for something, anything, but all he can find is a bottle of cough syrup!
Desperate, he throws the cough syrup at the casket…
and,
The coffin stops
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