A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He has been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her. Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket toward the man. He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back. “Oh my, I am so sorry,” the woman says as she pops her eye back in place. “Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you,” she says. They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they go to the theater followed by drinks. They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams and he shares his.

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A Professor was giving a lecture on “Involuntary Muscular
Contractions” to his first year medical students.

Realizing that this was not the most riveting subject, the
Professor decided to lighten the mood slightly.

He pointed to a young woman in the front row and said,
“Do you know what your asshole is doing while you’re having an orgasm?”

She replied, “Probably deer hunting with his buddies

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If you’re having a bad day - some of these might give you a laugh.

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The Iranian Ambassador to the UN had just finished giving a speech, and walked out into the lobby where he met President Bush.

They shook hands, and as they walked the Iranian said, “You know, I have just one question about what I have seen in America.

President Bush said, “Well, anything I can do to help. What is it?”

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A man rushes home, bursting through the front door of her house, yelling to his wife

“Pack your bags sweetie, I just won the Lotto! $10 million of it… Woooohoooo!”

“That’s great, honey!”, she replies, “Do I pack for the beach or Mountains?”

“Who cares!,” he replies, “Just f… off!!”

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Once a year The Washington Post has publishes the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words. The winners one year (I’m not sure which) were:

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Children’s books are probably the biggest selling kind of book (second maybe to cook books if I remember correctly - or it could be the other way around). So if you want to quit your day job, maybe you could find some idea that’ll have the little buggers clamouring for more. But if this is your aim and ambition - to write the world’s best children’s book, then you perhaps should stear clear of these titles. They may not really help you to write that killer kids tale.

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Here’s the thing about pelican that I think many people constantly underestimate. They are bloody huge! This one in the video is probably actually only a little one. I’ve seen pelicans that are ten feet tall and sport semi-automatics. Watch out.

In this video, the pelican isn’t really hungry. He just got shat with this pidgeon for calling him big bird. “I tell ya bill. If you call me big bird I’m gonna…”

“What? What are you gonna do big bird?”

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Gentlemen, please review the international rules of manhood below are to clarify any future misunderstandings.

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We all know what a fine piece of automotive engineering is the 3-series BMW convertible. Besides it’s elegant looks and sleek design, this baby sports a Twin Turbo charged 335i engine that can motor along at 300 horsepower; it has a 50-50 weight distribution that allows for superior handling and performance, double pivot front suspension and five link rear suspension. Of course it has it’s beautiful retractable hardtop that opens or closes in just 22 seconds. It even has a windblocker to prevent your lovely girlfriend from getting her hair messed up when your cruising along with the top down. Yep, this is the automobile for the refined gentlemen, the man of style.

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