All Of The Crap They Send Me

A man is asked to contribute by bringing something to a friends barbecue. Guess what he is asked to bring!

This is also a cure for being alive…

’1′
Blaming your farts on me…..
not funny… not funny at all !!!

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’2′
Yelling at me for barking.
I’M A FRIGGIN’ DOG

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’3′
Taking me for a walk, then
not letting me check stuff out.
Exactly whose walk is this anyway?

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’4′
Any trick that involves balancing
food on my nose. Stop it!

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’5′
Any haircut that involves bows or ribbons.
Now you know why we chew your stuff
up when you’re not home.

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’6′
The sleight of hand, fake fetch throw.
You fooled a dog! Whoooo Hoooooooo what
a proud moment for the top of the food chain.

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’7′
Taking me to the vet for “the big snip”,
then acting surprised when I freak
out every time we go back!

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’8′
Getting upset when I sniff the crotches of your guests.
Sorry, but I haven’t quite mastered that handshake thing yet.

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’9′
Dog sweaters. Hello ???
Haven’t you noticed the fur?

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’10′
How you act disgusted when I lick myself.
Look, we both know the truth. You’re just jealous.

A nurse walks into a bank totally exhausted after a 20 hour shift.

Preparing to write a cheque, she pulls a rectal thermometer out of her purse and tries to write with it.

She looks at the flabbergasted teller and without missing a beat says,

‘Well! That’s great……….that’s really great……….

some arsehole’s got my pen.’

Looks like Jesus is a little turned on… ahem…

Ah – that looks painful… very painful.

Ah – I personally can’t wait for the day.  I hate cars.  Don’t own one.  Never intend to own one.  They suck.

Found this little ditty on Bits and Pieces.

This is a classic photo from back in the day. Most of you would have heard of Sophia Loren – but Jane Mansfield never seemed to quite make it into the immortality ranks. Forever doomed to be a B lister – she couldn’t ever break out of the blonde bombshell image she so very carefully crafted for herself.

What she did have though – was enormous breasts. Remember – this is pre-plastic surgery days. So there was nothing the other women could do about it if you… er… outranked them. Perhaps this sentiment is what is being expressed by Sophia Loren.

On the other hand – Mansfield was the original celebrity cow. Britney Spears and Paris Hilton didn’t come up with the idea to create publicity from their rude bits. Mansfield had wardrobe malfunctions all over the place – so much so that the media turned on her and began to represent her quite negatively. History repeats. Loren is perhaps just not impressed with such a shameful display as that represented in this photo.