Monthly archive of January, 2011

The Vegas Hooker

A guy is walking the strip in Las Vegas and a fantastic-looking Vegas hooker catches his eye.

He strikes up a conversation and eventually asks the hooker,
“How much do you charge?”

The Hooker replies, “It starts at $500 for a hand-job.”

The guy says, “$500 dollars! For a hand-job! Holy crap!
No hand-job is worth that kind of money!”

The hooker says, “Do you see that Denny’s on the corner?”

“Yes.”

“Do you see the Denny’s about a block further down?”

“Yes.”

“And beyond that, do you see that third Denny’s?”

“Yes.”

“Well,” says the hooker, smiling invitingly, “I own those.
And I own them because I give a hand-job that’s worth $500.”

So the guy says, “What the hell? You only live once. I’ll give it a try.”

They retire to a nearby motel. A short time later, the guy is sitting on the bed realizing that he has just experienced the hand-job of a lifetime, worth every bit of $500.

He is so amazed, he says, “I suppose a blow-job is $1,000?”

The hooker replies, “$1,500.”

“I wouldn’t pay that for a blow-job!”

The hooker replies, “Step over here to the window, big boy.. Do you see that casino just across the street? I own that casino outright.. And I own it because I give a blow-job that’s worth every cent of $1,500.”

The guy, basking in the afterglow of that terrific hand-job, decides to put off the new car for another year or so and says, “Sign me up..”

Ten minutes later, he is sitting on the bed more amazed than before.

He can scarcely believe it but he feels he truly got his money’s worth.

He decides to dip into the retirement savings for one glorious and unforgettable experience.

He asks the hooker, “How much for some pussy?”

The hooker says, “Come over here to the window, I want to show you something.

Do you see how the whole city of Las Vegas is laid out before us: All those beautiful lights, gambling palaces, and shows?

“Damn!” the guy says, in awe, “You own the whole city?”

No,” the hooker replies, “but I would…… If I had a pussy.”

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One Liners

Did you hear about the fat, alcoholic transvestite – All he wanted to do was eat, drink and be Mary

Got an e-mail today from a bored local housewife 43 who was looking for some hot action! So I sent her my ironing. That’ll keep her busy.

I got invited to a party and was told to dress to kill. Apparently a turban, beard and a backpack wasn’t what they had in mind.

Tampax have announced today that they will be replacing the string on tampons with tinsel. This will be just for the Christmas period.

Came home today to find all my doors and windows smashed in and everything gone What sort of sick person does that to someone’s advent calendar.

I’ve been charged with murder for killing a man with sandpaper. To be honest I only intended to rough him up a bit.

A lad comes home from school and excitedly tells his dad that he had a part in the school play and he was playing a man who had been married for 25 years. The dad says, Never mind son maybe next year you’ll get a speaking part.

Sometimes you just can’t win. I thought I’d be a gentleman and hold the door open for the young lady. 2 minutes late she said, Will you go away and shut the toilet door!!

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