Posts tagged as «joke»
A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He has been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her. Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket toward the man. He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back. “Oh my, I am so sorry,” the woman says as she pops her eye back in place. “Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you,” she says. They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they go to the theater followed by drinks. They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams and he shares his.
She listens. After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap and stay for breakfast. They had a wonderful, wonderful time. The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy is amazed. Everything had been SO incredible!
“You know,” he said, “you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?” “No,” she replies. . . .
Wait for it
“Just the ones that catch my eye.”
A Professor was giving a lecture on “Involuntary Muscular
Contractions” to his first year medical students.
Realizing that this was not the most riveting subject, the
Professor decided to lighten the mood slightly.
He pointed to a young woman in the front row and said,
“Do you know what your asshole is doing while you’re having an orgasm?”
She replied, “Probably deer hunting with his buddies
This is another joke that is so bad it made me laugh out loud.
Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.
“In honor of this holy season” Saint Peter said,”You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.”
The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. “It represents a candle”, he said.
“You may pass through the pearly gates” Saint Peter said.
The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, “They’re bells.”
Saint Peter said “You may pass through the pearly gates”.
The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women’s panties.
St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, “And just what do those symbolize?”
The man replied, “These are Carols.”
I purchased a Teddy Bear this morning for the princely sum of $10.
I named him Mohammed.
This afternoon I sold him on E-Bay for $30.
My question is, “Have I made a prophet?”
Apparently this joke was voted favourite email of the year by women. Where do they have this polls is what I want to know.
A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home. He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed: “Dear Lord: I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home. I want her to know what I go through, so please allow her body to switch with mine for a day. Amen.” God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man’s wish. The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman.
He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate, awakened the kids, set out their school clothes, fed them breakfast, packed their lunches, drove them to school,came home and picked up the dry cleaning,took it to the cleaners and stopped at the bank to make a deposit, went grocery shopping, balanced the check book.
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This joke is admittedly poor. But none of you have a sense of humor anyway so I won’t mind posting it:
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A Kiwi and an Aussie were sitting around talking one afternoon over a cold beer. After a while the Aussie says to the Kiwi,
‘If I was to sneak over to your house and shag your wife while you were off fishing, and she got pregnant and had a baby, would that make us related?’
‘The Kiwi crooked his head sideways for a minute, scratched his head, and squinted his eyes thinking real hard about the question.
Finally, he says, ‘Well, I don’t know about being related, but it would make us even.’
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